| Introduction |
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15 | (4) |
| 1. Dated Jekyll, Married Hyde |
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19 | (8) |
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Who is this masked (wo)man I married? You sure weren't like this when we were dating! (Idiosyncrasies you don't find out about until after you say, "I do.") |
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| 2. Sleeping Habits of a Highly Defective Couple |
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27 | (6) |
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(or what happens when a cheerful morning person marries a not-so-cheerful-in-the-morning person) |
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| 3. In Sickness and In Health |
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33 | (8) |
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Men have the corner on the whining market when they're sick. "Get over it!" we long to say (and sometimes do). But those marriage vows before the Lord are sure welcome when an unexpected health crisis hits. |
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| 4. Directionally Impaired |
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41 | (8) |
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He says "Turn north." She says "Left or right?" Many women suffer from this directional disability, which men just can't seem to understand. "Just imagine a map in your head," they say. Right... |
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| 5. "Where's my (fill-in-the-blank)?" |
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49 | (8) |
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Although men may know which way they're going, they don't know where they left their keys, wallet, and a host of other items." Just remember where you last had it," we say. Right... |
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| 6. Calgon vs. Soap-on-a-Rope |
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57 | (8) |
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He prefers steaming hot showers and soap-on-a-rope while she likes to let Calgon bath salts "take her away" (for at least an hour). |
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| 7. Shut the Door |
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65 | (8) |
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(a misunderstanding behind closed doors) |
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| 8. I Like Liver Paté, He Likes SpaghettiOs (Cold!) |
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73 | (6) |
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Dissecting the eating habits of the male and the female of the species. |
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| 9. His Junk, My Treasures |
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79 | (8) |
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Also known as, "Love me, Love my stuff" Or how women learn to cope with GI Joe collections and Elvis paintings on black velvet (That's what spare rooms are for.) |
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| 10. Nightmare on Our Street |
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87 | (8) |
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Or as many refer to it, "first house frenzy." "What do you mean we can't remodel that ugly '60's kitchen and bathroom in one week?" |
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| 11. "Chick" Logic |
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95 | (8) |
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(a.k.a. Laura Logic in our household) Although she received high marks in school, she was absent the day they taught logic. For instance, she thinks moving to Seattle would be fun, but he says it rains too much. "So we'll live in the suburbs!" |
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| 12. I Want the Moon, but He Has to Hang It |
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103 | (8) |
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She wants a new patio, but while he's laying the bricks, she's lying in the pool. (Often she comes up with the great home improvement ideas, but he gets stuck swinging the hammer.) |
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| 13. The Nagging Gene |
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111 | (8) |
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Many women possess it but don't realize it until they're married. Although we all vowed that we would never nag, it's hard to fight genetics. |
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| 14. The Testosterone Tango |
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119 | (6) |
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She can two-step, chew bubble gum, rearrange the living room furniture, and carry on a nonstop conversation all at the same time. But when he's dancing the tango, he's just doing the tango. It's gotta be a testosterone thing that makes men so single-task focused. |
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| 15. She's Felix, He's Oscar |
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125 | (6) |
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When it comes to neatness, they're definitely "The Odd Couple." (But let's not be sexist. In some households, she's Oscar!) |
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| 16. Sub-Mission Impossible |
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131 | (8) |
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I'm having a teensy-weensy problem with this submit stuff. After all, I'm the woman who kept a plaque on her desk in her B.C. (before Christ) days that proudly read: A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A BICYCLE. |
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| 17. I Say Exquisite, He Says Cool |
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139 | (6) |
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and other male/female vocabulary variations |
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| 18. She Wants It Special Delivery, not FAXED |
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145 | (8) |
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Although we like hearing the quick and basic "I Love You" from his lips, we also want sweet nothings sent "Special D." |
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| 19. The Night He Saw Red |
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153 | (6) |
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To him, the color red means "charge." To her, it's just what she happened to wear to bed (and other bedroom misunderstandings). |
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| 20. The In-Law Shuffle |
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159 | (8) |
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You don't just marry each other, you also marry the in-laws. And to try to keep them happy, every year finds you dashing through the snow from house-to-house at Christmas |
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| 21. Talk Marathons vs. the Sixty-Second Speech Sprint |
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167 | (8) |
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She can sit and visit for hours with family and friends, but after too much sitting, he starts to, fidget or fall asleep. |
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| 22. Hold me, Touch me, Listen to Me! |
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175 | (6) |
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When a woman is pouring out her heart to her husband, she gets a little miffed when he glances at the TV to check out Star Trek. |
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| 23. Women Need Other Women, Men Just Need Their Wives |
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181 | (6) |
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The last male bonding thing he did was when he and his buddies went to see Terminator 2 for his bachelor party ... more than five years ago. He's content to simply "connect" with his wife, while she goes into withdrawal if she goes more than a week without relating to her women friends! |
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| 24. And They Lived Happily Ever After |
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187 | |
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The couple that laughs together stays together. |
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